Break Me (The Source)

I want to be shattered,
Shattered to my very core,
Burn me,
Until dust is all that remains

Take me to my source,
Where essence burns bright white,
Where darkness dare not creep

Where things are,
Simple, pure, themselves
No need to explain

Let the tower fall and break,
Brick by brick, or in one fell swoop
Let it tumble on itself

Let me look at myself,
Bare, naked, utterly vulnerable
Reflections on the pool of my being,
The source

The Young Nymphs

Light, very light
Dancing around the schoolyard,
Oozing with life and fresh-born sexuality


Their tender bodies,
Just awakening


Hormones raging,
Breasts can hardly contain their own growth


And the play has started,
Boys and girls,
In a devil's dance


Eyes meeting,
Bodies merging 


And the play has ended.

For me, the experience was alike to a visit to the forbidden garden,
Or to a candy store full of wonderful sweets of all kinds, colors and flavors where I can only look,
long for, yearn, fantasize about, but never touch, let alone have... And the yearning is oh so
strong. So strong that I stopped keeping it conscious after some time. I pushed it down so hard it
was practically gone. With it a good portion of me - my power, my energy, my sexuality was
all but gone.

Why can't I touch?
Why can't I revel in god's creation?
Am I not god's creation myself?


The longing,
Too painful to endure,
Was shut out,
Pushed away from awareness

And I am left with the shadows of a proposition,
Long ago contemplated and forgotten

And I am left with the distant echoes of a terrible pain,
Long forgotten

How can I gain clarity on this? I think that it has to do with my view of 
my body, of sexuality, of pleasure. Be curious, explore more.