Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Young Nymphs

Light, very light
Dancing around the schoolyard,
Oozing with life and fresh-born sexuality

Their tender bodies,
Just awakening

Hormones raging,
Breasts can hardly contain their own growth

And the play has started,
Boys and girls,
In a devil's dance

Eyes meeting,
Bodies merging 

And the play has ended.

For me, the experience was alike to a visit to the forbidden garden,
Or to a candy store full of wonderful sweets of all kinds, colors and flavors where I can only look,
long for, yearn, fantasize about, but never touch, let alone have... And the yearning is oh so
strong. So strong that I stopped keeping it conscious after some time. I pushed it down so hard it
was practically gone. With it a good portion of me - my power, my energy, my sexuality was
all but gone.

Why can't I touch?
Why can't I revel in god's creation?
Am I not god's creation myself?

The longing,
Too painful to endure,
Was shut out,
Pushed away from awareness

And I am left with the shadows of a proposition,
Long ago contemplated and forgotten

And I am left with the distant echoes of a terrible pain,
Long forgotten

How can I gain clarity on this? I think that it has to do with my view of 
my body, of sexuality, of pleasure. Be curious, explore more.

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