Light, very light
Dancing around the schoolyard,
Oozing with life and fresh-born sexuality
Their tender bodies,
Breasts can hardly contain their own growth
And the play has started,
Boys and girls,
In a devil's dance
And the play has ended.
For me, the experience was alike to a visit to the forbidden garden,
Or to a candy store full of wonderful sweets of all kinds, colors and flavors where I can only look,
long for, yearn, fantasize about, but never touch, let alone have... And the yearning is oh so
strong. So strong that I stopped keeping it conscious after some time. I pushed it down so hard it
was practically gone. With it a good portion of me - my power, my energy, my sexuality was
all but gone.
Why can't I touch?
Why can't I revel in god's creation?
Am I not god's creation myself?
Too painful to endure,
Was shut out,
Pushed away from awareness
And I am left with the shadows of a proposition,
Long ago contemplated and forgotten
And I am left with the distant echoes of a terrible pain,
How can I gain clarity on this? I think that it has to do with my view of
my body, of sexuality, of pleasure. Be curious, explore more.