I really didn't like myself as a teenager. What came up for me today as I meditated was a deep seated
disgust. I felt it in the base of my throat and the pit of my stomach, as well as in my hands. It felt like
foul sticky tar lodged in in my inside, suffocating me. The image that came to my mind is me as
teenager. Feel like I'm 17. In my mind's eye I am lanky, awkward, hairy, ugly, disproportionate,
wearing these huge ugly glasses. I walk funny and I am horny with no chance of getting laid.
My genitals are fully developed and I feel like a science experiment of God gone wrong.
I seem so lost and helpless,trying to fit in in a world that would never accept me, let alone
love me. Like those defect babies that come out with too many hearts or something,
Doomed to for a short life of suffering and pain, never experiencing life as a healthy creature.
Not Fit For Life it seems to say on my forehead.
This is the space where I give my Heart and Mind creative expression. This is a great way for me to process stuff that happen for me in my own life, To integrate the In with the Out.
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